Myths About Sex Therapy (And What It’s Actually Like in My Chicago Practice)
Why Sex Therapy is Misunderstood
Sex Therapy. Those two words typically evoke so many different emotions, questions, and ideas about what this type of therapy looks like. Many feel uncomfortable with the idea of talking about sex with a therapist. There’s a lot of stigma around needing help for a sexual issue, and a TON of curiosity about what sex therapy is about, how it helps. I’m a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and an AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist in Chicago, Illinois. I specialize in Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples and sexual issues. I’ve worked with hundreds of individuals and couples in my private practice. Let’s debunk some of the common myths I hear about sex therapy from new clients in my Chicago practice.
Myth #1: Sex therapy is only for couples with serious sexual problems.
REALITY: Individuals and couples come to sex therapy for many reasons: negative or unhelpful beliefs about sex, difficulty talking about sex, awkwardness during sex, sex feeling like a chore, shame or embarrassment about certain experiences, performance anxiety, sexual pain or discomfort, a traumatic experience, a mismatch in desire or preferences, feeling like intimacy is the only area that isn’t working in their relationship, decreased desire, struggles to connect as a couple as new parents, and more. From busy parents in North Shore, to individuals in Wicker Park, and couples in Lincoln Square, I see all kinds of clients in my Chicago sex therapy practice.
Myth #2: It’s just like regular talk therapy—but uncomfortable and awkward because sex is such a private topic.
REALITY: Most people experience a lot of relief in sex therapy—and less shame and awkwardness—when they realize they can discuss their sex life with a therapist who won’t blush or judge. People learn that their problems are quite common. Sex therapy blends talk therapy with education, mindfulness, body awareness, and often homework. Safety and professionalism is my priority; we move at a pace that feels right for you. In a typical first session, I’m asking questions and gathering more information about what brings you to therapy, what you’ve already tried, and ruling out any physical, medical, or relational problems. Most people don’t really want to discuss sex with a professional, but there’s a comfort in working with a therapist who has experience treating common sexual problems and knows how to help you discuss and work on these concerns more effectively. I’m an AASECT-Certifed Sex Therapist in Chicago, IL with years of training in sex therapy and relationship issues.
Myth #3: Sex therapists tell you what to do differently in bed.
REALITY: This is a very common misconception, and I think it’s a big part of why there’s so much stigma about sex therapy for couples. Sessions are a collaborative investigation into the contributing factors of sexual and relationship issues, the emotions you feel about the sex-related problem, and what you and/or your partner do in response to those emotions. How you disconnect or get into conflict, and how to course-correct. I collaborate with you on your goals for your relationship and sex life. I might make some recommendations and encourage some mindfulness or touch-related exercises to improve affection or reduce anxiety outside of sessions, but I’m not an intimacy coach offering you direction on how to have sex.
Myth #4: Sex therapy is just for people who are kinky.
REALITY: Sex therapy is for every type of person. The client with a sexless marriage. The client who considers themselves vanilla and feels embarrassed about that. The client who is kinky and proud of it, and the client who is kinky and struggling to feel accepted in their marriage. LGBTQ+ clients and straight clients. Poly, queer, non-binary, and trans clients. Single or in a relationship. Parents, those facing infertility, and those who are child-free by choice. Everyone is welcome in my practice. You can trust that you will get inclusive, affirming, and confidential care in my relationship and sex therapy practice in Chicago.
Myth #5: Only people with trauma, sexual dysfunction, or a medical diagnosis need sex therapy.
REALITY: Any issue or topic that 1) causes you distress or 2) you’d like help exploring and better understanding is worthy of bringing to therapy. Many clients come to sex therapy to explore intimacy, aging, kink, transition to parenthood, desire discrepancy, a sex life that just doesn’t feel that great, etc. It’s normal to be curious about aspects of your sexual experience and relationship, and to need to talk about it with someone. I can guarantee that whatever you are bringing to therapy is “serious enough” to ask for support.
What Sex Therapy Actually Looks Like My Chicago Practice
We’ll begin with a free, 20-minute phone consultation to make sure we’re a good fit to work together. I ask about the issues you’re needing help with and answer any questions about my work style and process, including availability and next steps. At our first session, we’ll discuss the problems that bring you to sex therapy, what you’ve already tried to solve them, and begin to formulate a plan for how we’ll work together to relieve distress. My work is very collaborative. I’m interested in hearing about your goals, and we’ll talk through how we can make progress towards them. All sessions in my Chicago sex therapy practice take place virtually from the comfort of your home or office.
When to Consider Sex Therapy (Common Issues I See)
Mismatched libido, performance anxiety, painful sex, shame around desire, communication issues, sexual dysfunction, premature or delayed ejaculation, vaginismus, low desire for sex, sex feeling like an obligation, aversion to sex, awkwardness, difficulty discussing sex, relationship issues related to sex, and more.
Ready for Help? How to Get Started with Sex Therapy in Chicago
If you’re ready to get help and get started with sex therapy, I’m a certified sex therapist specializing in individual, relationship, and sex therapy in Chicago, Illinois. Contact me to book an initial 20-minute phone consultation. Once we’ve determined we’re a good fit, we’ll schedule an initial session and get to work. A more connected relationship and fuller sex life is within reach! Based out of West Loop in Chicago, my practice serves all of Chicago and Illinois via telehealth.
Sex therapy is for everyone.
The professional support you’ll get can be immensely helpful and not nearly as uncomfortable as you might imagine! If you’re interested in learning more, take a look at my blog and resources pages. And reach out if you have any questions! You deserve support and guidance. I’m here to help.
